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[dishearten]

text / call / action

Comments

[dishearten]

yes. we have a future to make, together. and I know I can't build that with my head on a door that's still open.

I know this is difficult, Emma, but I wouldn't have to say goodbye if I weren't committed to the life I want with you.

[sheriffing]

I wish you didn't have to give up your old life to be with me.

[dishearten]

all magic comes with a price. I'll pay this one for a life with you.

at least my absence won't change your story. ( sad, thinking about the fact his disappearance won't change much at all. it's good to know she'll find her parents and break the curse whether he's there or not, but knowing his absence means little is still a bit sad to think about. ) hopefully a chance to say goodbye will make it better.

[sheriffing]

Not that version of me. You'll just have to settle for having changed your wife's life for the better.

[ It's true, his absence won't change much in his world - but it'll change plenty in hers, and she's looking forward to it.]

[dishearten]

I suppose I can be content with that. I do remember something in the vows about making my wife happy, after all.

[sheriffing]

Since when do you remember our vows?

[dishearten]

i remember enough.

( way to kill his lacking attempt at humor, Emma. as always he sort of shuts down at the reminder that they were drunk and incapable on the most important day of their lives. he's already feeling rather low, and now he feels worse. )

i'll see you at home.

[sheriffing]

I hope that memory extends to our anniversary, it's coming up.

[They still have a few months to go, but it's a source of pride to think they've almost made it a year.]

Okay, I love you.

[assailed]

[ Bloody Swan and her big mouth. ]

Aye. Regina killed you.

[ Killian has been wondering though. If Regina never killed him would he have ever met Emma in the Enchanted Forest? Would any of it ever happened? ]

[dishearten]

Yes. she killed me when I was still cursed, for leaving her. she forced me to be with her, in every sense of the word, and when I betrayed that she used the heart she stole from me to kill me.

( he hasn't lived it, exactly, yet he knows it's true. he's heartbeats away from it happening, even if he won't live it if he has something to say about it. )

I haven't lived it, yet, but Emma has. when I first met her here, more than a year ago, she could barely stand to be around me, remembering that loss. she was afraid to even try to open her heart up again, and when I died we weren't together. we just had... a possibility.

if you say she loves you, and you love her... how can you choose to leave her, if you have the opportunity to return? loving her means knowing how much she's already lost, don't choose to make her lose someone else she loves.

[assailed]

[ It's a heinous crime indeed, but Killian has committed atrocious ones himself. Some in the name of himself and some in the name of revenge. When he was a pirate (before Milah) he had monstrous ways. Driven by his brother's death. ]

Loving her also means knowing when you don't quite measure up to what she deserves after everything she's been through.

[dishearten]

does it? I killed and stole and destroyed for the the queen. I'll never deserve her love, but because I love her I'll do whatever I possibly can to be with her as long as I can.

I would die all over again for her, if there was no other choice. You have one, but it's up to you to take it.

I can't make you care about yourself enough to be willing to survive. But I hope with time you will realize what you are leaving behind. It's worth living for.

[assailed]

There's a difference between murdering and plundering free of your own mind and doing those things when a woman literally has full control over your actions, mate.

[ He knows what it's like to have your heart held and your everything manipulated. Only his manipulator was Gold. The snake. The serpent with no redemption. At least Regina tried to change. She did change. The Dark One has done everything in his power not to. ]

If you had lived do you think you'd be with her? Back home that is.

[dishearten]

you say that, but I imagine it matters little to those that suffered.

( he's not giving himself a pass, though some might think he should. when he made the choice that left him powerless, isn't he responsible for the dangers wrought? )

I don't know. and that's far from the point, because even if some mad fate brought me to a world I no longer exist in, she'd still be in love with you.
you might find yourself worthless, but she doesn't. and you're throwing away more than just your own chances by choosing to give up.

you have the mercy of time here. I suggest you use it. you might think this is selfless, but I think it's quite the opposite.

[assailed]

Would she though? Still be in love with me? If you had somehow lived through your ordeal or never even been killed at all. If you were liberated and allowed to be apart of her life. She would have never even given me a second glance when she met me in the Enchanted Forest. I'd still be just a pirate.

[dishearten]

you're hinging on hypotheticals that will always exist, whether I did or not.

it doesn't matter what could have been. what matters is what is. and if she loves you and you choose to abandon her, then you don't love her as much as you think you do.

( frankly, that's a little harsh. but nothing seems to be getting through, perhaps harsh might. )

[assailed]

I would challenge you not to hinge on hypotheticals when the woman you love and have given everything for--nevermind. It's the same thing from you lot anyways. Not Emma. But is Emma. Not that Emma, but a different one. Doesn't matter because she doesn't change in the parts that matter. She never has.

[ And he's bloody tired of hearing it. ]

You don't get to tell me how I feel about her.

[dishearten]

no, I can't, but I can say what I think, and what I think is that love is not so selfish.

you're not sparing her anything by choosing to abandon her. if Emma had a say in this, would she want you to give up? I certainly doubt so, considering how upset my wife is at the idea, and she knows you only little.

this place can offer you opportunity. you may not care about your own life, but there are others that do. consider them if you can't consider yourself. don't use me as an excuse to give up, that's your own choice.

[assailed]

I don't think she cares that much. I fear she may not want my death on her conscious here is all.

Perhaps you're right though.

[dishearten]

then you're wrong. Emma cares deeply about absolute strangers, though she does take care to hide it. and she knows you, though not as well as you'd like her to.

I know I am. but I have perspective you don't, I've had longer to face the prospect that I was meant to die. it wasn't an easy one to face. I know that the world kept spinning without me, Emma found her family and broke the curse. for a time I even wondered if I was avoiding the inevitable.

maybe I am; as long as there is a chance to keep fighting, though, I'm going to. I have things worth living for, worth fighting for. and if you have a woman that loves you, I imagine you do as well.

[assailed]

[ She tolerates him because of what Baelfire told her. She feels like she owes him something because of what he does for her in the future, but that's never been how Killian saw it. Ever. ]

Aye. I appreciate your words, Graham. I do. Keep her safe. Keep her happy. I'll be in touch.

[ text ]

[assailed]

When you learned of what Regina had done to you and knew she was here how did you keep from killing her?

[dishearten]

all right. I hope you'll think about what I've said.

( if not for himself, then for Emma. )

[dishearten]

you've met her, have you not?

( even slightly depowered that's probably not a fight he'd win. )

killing her wouldn't help me. being here will.

[assailed]

Aye. I've met her. She's a far cry from the villain I once knew her as.

[ Meaning not even Killian thinks she'd fight back with full intensity. Graham would ultimately be in no real danger if he did go after her. ]

But what if killing her would spare others a great deal of pain?