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[dishearten]

username: HUNTSMAN

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[dishearten]

( Emma thinks it an unfair request, as if were all too easy to despise her for telling him something he doesn't want to hear. it doesn't work that way, he's not sure it ever could. she's foolish if she could imagine, even for a moment, that he could hate her. he's about as far from hating her as a man can get, and the fact he even knows who he is is plenty proof of that. his curse would not have broken for anything less.

Graham has been keeping intent distance, following a restriction that Emma asked for when she informed him she was intending to leave for quarantine. his automatic reaction to the slight hint of vulnerability is probably why she doesn't trust herself to stay, because he moves to close the distance, offer the support that has come all to easily to them since this cover has started. it's unclear whether pulling her nearer is to comfort her, or himself. )

I don't know how you think I possibly could. ( for some people, love and hate were a thin line. Graham doesn't know much about loving, he doesn't have a great deal of practice, yet he doesn't quite understand how the two could be similar. he doesn't like her current choice, granted, but it could never make him hate her. ) I'm scared too. ( he had been trying to ignore the possibility of how bad this could get, yet with it looming in the room around them — with their bed stretching empty every night — how could he be anything else? )

[sheriffing]

[ she's not strong enough to keep herself taking the comfort her offers. he starts toward her and Emma steps closer the moment he does, arms winding along either side of him and her head tucked against his shoulder. it's relief she feels guilty for, contact that chases away just enough of her anxiety to remind her of what she'll be losing in quarantine. he's kept her feeling human for the past few weeks, and it's too difficult to turn down that feeling when all she's noticed since her diagnosis are the fraying edges of her sanity.

she's seen how the virus twists even the strongest members of their team towards destruction, but letting him hold her only tempts Emma towards the options she can't allow. he's warm and strong and safe, a heartless man who certainly feels more alive than she does. she just wants to burrow closer, to drag him down against the couch and lie there until she knows whether or not hope for a cure even exists.]

If there was a way for me to stay, I would. You're my partner, I don't want to be away from you.

[ he won't stand a chance once the virus takes hold of her, it's the one thing she fears most. she'll be violent and angry at best, dangerous at worst, and there's no telling how her magic might manifest itself as she gets worse.

it means something to know that he wants to be with her, more than she's able to articulate when she's fighting back tears. he's not running, he's not looking out for himself. she's never had that with anyone before, and it hasn't felt like part of the mission in weeks.]

[dishearten]

( that's where they're never going to agree, that there's no way for her to stay. that it'd be better if she left, that she'll protect him in some fashion if she stays away from him. that's just not how he sees it, and it'll never be how he sees it. he'd rather be with her through the worst, no matter the risks, because he knows for a fact that he can make it better on her.

she knows it for a fact, too, and yet her persistence to save him from herself is quite literally tearing them apart. )

There's a way for you to stay. You just won't. ( he'd been bitter, before. now he's just resigned. she's made her choice and he doesn't have any intention of fighting the point any more. he just won't pretend he doesn't completely disagree with her, either. it's odd, paired with the embrace. he's already given up on the prospect of her remaining, yet he won't retract the comfort and relief affection offers her. he doesn't want to, even in his unhappiness. ) I can't promise I won't go to quarantine. In fact I'm sure I will.

( he'll visit her there if she'll permit him. if she won't, well, that won't change the fact he still provides the quarantine with the supplies they need. he wouldn't stop going just because Emma wanted him to stay away from her. )

[sheriffing]

[ he's not wrong, she could stay. they could hope for the best, brace themselves. maybe she's not skilled enough in her magic for it to be a threat to him. he isn't infected for all the time they've spent being close to each other here, maybe he's immune to the bristol virus. but none of that changes what this takes away from her. her magic might not make her dangerous, he might not catch it from her, but she will only get worse.

she doesn't want him fighting for her once she's too far gone to be saved. it'd be too dangerous. this is personal for them, it's been that way all along, and the most she can do now is try to lessen some of the damage. she sighs, pulling back to keep from seeking comfort when she doesn't deserve it. if she said she was leaving, she needs to. all she's doing now is trying to make herself feel better, and it's comfort at his expense.]

I know. [ he'll help the quarantined, he'll even help her. she wouldn't expect less, and the nod seems to confirm it.] Be careful, Graham. That's all I want for you. [ that seems to be her cue, to grab the bag she's packed and to head for the door. she wants to look back, even admit she's made a mistake. it's not too late, is it?

in the end, she walks out anyway. she may not have spared him the hurt she wanted to, but if they both survive this, she'll deal with it later.]