dishearten | futurology ic inbox

I have already willed it so: such is the path I knowingly chose when for sacred Ilios I set sail all those years ago. It was my mother, Thetis the silver-footed goddess, who whispered to me my two-fold fate when as a boy she took me upon her knee. I was to either win glory in war but die in the height of my vigor, or live a long and peaceful life but fade into wretched obscurity. How can you, a warrior yourself, not understand how my heart howled for glory? I could not bear the thought that my name might be unknown for all my life, no worthy deeds to burnish it, my great strength gone to waste.

[Even here at the end of his life, he can remember the youth he once was, growing restless like a bird held in a cage, wishing that he might spread his wings and soar free.]

Long have I known the price I must pay for the fame I have seized, but I could make no other choice.

( it's not an answer that surprises him. he and Achilles had formed a kinship perhaps against all odds. where Graham detested any fight he had to participate in, Achilles enjoyed the thrill of victory. being able to fight was not the same as enjoying it; Graham would much rather a long life faded into obscurity than to die, no matter how brilliant the final blaze of glory.

he cannot change that from being Achilles' wish, though, and for a man without a heart he seems to wear the misery visibly at the realization of it. )

I wish you could. I would rather live long with the people that matter to me than die remembered, but your wish is your wish. ( Graham is not a man that will try to impress his desires on others, he will not fight his friend on what he wants. he can't quite see him off without a glimmer of unhappiness. ) I will miss you. ( Graham doesn't feel the wetness lingering in his eyes, of course not; but Achilles is like to. )

[The only man who might tempt him away from his chosen path was Patroclus, who was destined to die before him. Fate encompasses all twists and turns that lie before a man, leading him to the same end.]

Fondly shall I remember the friends I met among this crew, as I too hope to be remembered.

[That, in the end, was his greatest desire. Yet even so he cannot help the unshed tears that sting his eyes.]

( Graham hopes that's not so. that fate is sealed, no matter how it is strained against. he has a fate he desperately wishes to evade, though it's honorable in its own broken way. all the same, he would rather not let fate decide where his story ends, has he the means to fight it.

that's not a choice he can make for anyone but himself, and it burns even an empty man to know that a friend would walk toward death with both arms open. which is the way Graham will send him off, an embrace that he offers to few, though he finds now that he had not offered one to his friend enough before he was faced with his last one. )

More fond than I can say. ( more fond than he has any right to feel, considering the heart he lacks. he doesn't let go for a long breath, before letting his hands grapple Achilles by the shoulder as he looks him in the eye. one last time, he knows now. ) I will remember.

( he won't be the first Graham has lost since he joined this team. distantly, Graham knows he won't be the last. Achilles will be remembered as all the rest have been, points of color in a life that had always been cast in levels of gray. )

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