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[dishearten]

username: HUNTSMAN

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[sheriffing]

It's a little different than sleeping beside it.

[ they've both seen her start to struggle with it. she's in control now, but exactly how long is that going to last? ]

Being together would help me, not you. It'd make things worse for you. The truth is, you'll be able to do more good around here without having to worry about me - and that brings all of us closer to a cure.

[dishearten]

I suppose it's not possible that helping you would help me, too.

( he's not going to function as well knowing she's alone, that there's risks and dangers between them and if something goes wrong in quarantine, he might not know until it's too late. )

I'll worry about you more if you are gone, Emma. not less. if you want to move to quarantine, I understand, but I would rather go with you.

( GRAHAM THIS IS NOT HOW QUARANTINE WORKS... )

[sheriffing]

You can't do that, you're not infected. People need you out here.

[ she needs him safe, away from anyone who could hurt him in quarantine.]

[dishearten]

and I will keep working, I assure you. but everyone needs to sleep sometimes.

( he'd rather do that where she is, and it turns out it doesn't really matter as long as she's still there. )

[sheriffing]

No, Graham.

[ in the worst case scenario, she can't bring him down with her.]

[dishearten]

( she should have considered that a little sooner. he's already doomed to that, as long as she's still in Audentes. )

you can't keep me from coming to quarantine, Emma, just as I can't keep you from going. we make our own choices. stay away from me if it pleases you.

( he'll at least know how she is, whether she'll talk to him or not. )

you don't have to worry about Sunny. I'll take care of her.

[sheriffing]

It doesn't please me. None of this pleases me.

[ she didn't want to become infected, yet there's even relief in it being her instead of him. it's almost selfish, how badly she needs him to stay safe.]

Thank you. I have some things I need to send your way, just in case.

[dishearten]

it doesn't please me, either.

( in the end, as much as he understands her reasoning, there's no getting him to like it. he'd rather face this together, though that's a choice that can't be made alone. )

in case of what?

[sheriffing]

I know.

[ facing it together just sounds like hurting him, and she's seen that happen enough without her backing it.]

There's a chance this won't end well.

[dishearten]

Emma, you've got to stop thinking like this. there's no chance if we all give up on it.

( he's not exactly a beacon of positivity, yet now that so many people he cared about were sick, he was incapable of giving up, either. )

you're going to get better.

[sheriffing]

I still need to be prepared for the worst, you know that.

[ they've lost a teammate here, she can't assume this will work out.]

[dishearten]

you're not going to die, Emma.

( he says, like he has any control over it. like there was even a single thing he could do to prevent it if the virus really took her over. it seems particularly cruel, to bring up such ideas when he couldn't even look her in the eye.

when he had to go back to the place they'd shared together with the painful knowledge she wouldn't be there. )

[sheriffing]

Good, then when all of this is over you can say I told you so.

[ she would welcome the opportunity to be wrong. Emma's fought for her own survival since she was too small to understand what she was doing. it's not that she wants this, she's not just giving up.

it's just that she's realized how many people she cares about, and how much she'd like to say goodbye, if it came to that. getting infected prompts that kind of thinking, she can't deny that. there's a chance she won't make it back to Storybrooke, and somehow that's never really occurred to her before.]

That's probaby your right, as my partner here.

[ how do you tell your fake boyfriend he's better than any real one you've ever had?]

[dishearten]

it felt more like a partnership before you started making my choices for me, Emma.

( he doesn't care about the chance he'll get infected. he cares more that she thinks she's going off to die, and she's determined to do it alone. )

if you're leaving, you could at least say goodbye. I'll take whatever you want then.

[sheriffing]

What about my choice, Graham?

[ her choice not to hurt anyone else, not to snap at him, not to get aggressive. if it gets bad, her choice not to let him see her that way. she gets a choice, too. her choice is not to fall apart in front of someone she cares about.]

[dishearten]

you think this could be the end, and you'd still choose to spend that away from me? choose to let me lose you without a chance to be there, not even the opportunity to say goodbye?

( she may not see it that way, but isn't that what it boils down to? it was easier to accept when he thought it was only for short-term protection. it seems a crueler reality, now that he knows it's more than that. )

[sheriffing]

I would choose to protect you. I couldn't do that in Storybrooke, I can do that here. Chances are, this'll be fine. They'll find a cure, everyone will get better.

But if they don't, I can't cost you your life a second time.

[dishearten]

if you believe that, it seems awfully odd to prepare for the end.

you're not protecting me from getting infected, or sparing me any risk. it's all around us, Emma, and you choosing to suffer alone doesn't protect me from all of Woodhurst.

I'd rather take the risk than let you go through this alone.

[sheriffing]

It protects you from having it in your home, Graham. You know it does.

[ it doesn't protect him from Woodhurst, but it does protect him from someone in a state of decline.]

[dishearten]

I'm at home less than I'm on the streets. I face bigger threats every day.

the only thing you're protecting me from is being with you at your worst, and I don't want to be protected from that. I never will.

[sheriffing]

When you come pick up my things, we can talk. That's all I can offer you like this.

ACTION

[dishearten]

( as far as Graham is concerned, they've already talked a great deal. what more can he possibly say? she's made her choice, and his opinion on it doesn't mean enough to change her mind. he'd never try to control her, it just seemed to him that partners worked together, instead of splitting and running when things got difficult. and difficult they are, only they seemed better when they were together.

the lines of their cover story and their reality had a perilous habit of blending together. apparently even he had started to believe it was realer than it was.

he doesn't answer, he doesn't have anything left to offer to the conversation. the Huntsman has never been gifted at holding conversations when he doesn't like the topic, and saying he disliked their current conversation was a real understatement. for a heartless person who isn't meant to feel anything at all, it's pretty evident he's upset by the look on his face when he lets himself into the apartment that has been theirs. now he's not sure whose it is. at least Emma was true to her word, she hasn't left, it just doesn't make him feel much better.

with the possibility she could die, she would rather be away from him, even as he disowned the risk. it's her choice, of course it is. he just hates it. )

What is it you have for me? ( he's upset with her, but not even that is enough to ignore what she asked for. if she ends up being right about all this, he doesn't intend the last moments they have together to be stained any more than they already are. )

[sheriffing]

[ by the time Graham arrives, it looks like their apartment again. gone is the mess she'd made earlier in the afternoon in show of sheer frustration - an outburst, like the one she'd had at the station that had prompted an awareness of her condition. she's not violent now, but she won't pretend she's fully in control of herself either. it comes and it goes, bursts of emotion and desperation that make her feel like she's lost control of her own body.

he knows she's never hurt him. she knows she'd never hurt him, yet the things she'd do in her right mind don't fully apply here. it's not just that she's deteriorating, she's a threat to his safety.] I -

[ she thought if he could see her, he'd understand. he doesn't, not if the look he gives her on the way in is any indication. she reaches for a sealed manilla envelope on the coffee table before she stands, since he doesn't seem to be in the mood to talk. might as well give him what he wants and make it quick.]

I need you to hold on to this for me.

[ there's no explanation of why, he already knows. if she doesn't make it through this mission, or the next, or the one after that, there are things she'd like to be able to say to her family. inside the envelope are a few letters, including one for him.]

I'm not planning on dying here, Graham. But I've never had to face the possibility anywhere else the way I have to now.

[dishearten]

( it isn't an easy expectation to wear, to be the deliverer of messages from someone past. he's not actually surprised by what she offers, though — her head is set on the possibility she might not make it through this, and she's making her preparations. he takes it without much comment. he's honestly a poor messenger, considering he can't deliver them particularly easily, yet she can at least rest a little easier knowing he'll do everything in his power to find a way, if it comes to that.

he'd rather not hear her reasoning anymore, now that he's so aware it's fixed and unchanging, no matter what he has to say on the matter. Graham does not have any interest in fighting, or arguing. that part of him had disappeared some thirty years ago, when he'd been willing to attack a man for dishonoring an animal in his presence.

it's a lot harder to be combative when it's Emma on the other side of it. )

People generally don't write their last testament unless they expect the worst, Emma. ( he doesn't want to hold onto her goodbye letters, knowing what they represent. he pulls open his coat to place them in a pocket instead. it's a little more bearable when he doesn't have to look at them. )

[sheriffing]

[ she'd argue that this isn't expecting the worst, it's more like bracing herself for it. if they can't find a cure fast enough, if she becomes a danger to someone else, if push comes to shove. she's watched members of their team take out groups of the infected with little to no concern for the person inside who's suffering from an illness. they have to protect the lives of the people who can be saved, and she gets it - she does. things don't look great for her right now.]

That's why I need you out there. If you're still fighting, then there's hope.

[ it won't comfort him, Emma's not so far gone that she can't see how this hurts him. it hurts her, too, but she thinks that just bleeds into everything else she's feeling; the anger, the disappointment, how all of her aches from trying to fight the virus. she'd rather be in his arms and she knows he's right - touch helps. all those nights they spent sharing a bed or a couch or a blanket on the floor, the mornings when she'd hit the snooze button to steal a few more minutes long after they were both awake; maybe all of that delayed this.

he's protected her for longer than he should have, a realization she's struggling with because she has to consider the possibility that he knew before she did. it's not the result that seems to surprise him, only what she's decided to do with it.]

I never wanted to ask this of you, but it had to be you. I trust you.